Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
