Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
