they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
