Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
