do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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