Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
