She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
