addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
