covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
