We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
