home. puking in laundry basket.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
