ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
