ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
