Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
