birth control should be required to get into college
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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