Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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