I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
