She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
