He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
