I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
