dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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