Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
