I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My ass is underappreciated
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
