...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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