I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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