Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
