Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
