Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
