I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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