I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
