He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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