i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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