my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
