THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
