Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
