i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
