Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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