I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
