Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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