you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pants are for mortals
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
