every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
