It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
