I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to make out with him forever
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
