I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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