It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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