I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
