Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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