do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
