Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
