i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
