Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
