you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
