I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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