What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
